Little mother fucker, I see you growing there. I hate pimples so much, ugh. They randomly pop up and think they run the damn place. Gtfo my niggas, my face is not your house party! When I wake up in the morning, I do not want to be surprised by your faggot ass appearance on my face. I think my facial wash and my pimples are on the same team because not shit is working. When I use my scrub they’re probably like “Hee hee hee ho ho ho, this nigga thinks she’s gon’ get rid of me tonight. Lemme just grow a planet and see how this bitch takes it tomorrow morning.”
Even if it’s a simple text message I feel really good when I receive it. I love it when you take the time to talk to me, notice how I feel, and converse with me. I love this great, exciting feeling I get whenever we start up a conversation. The littlest things like this make me happy.
I’m here, in the middle of all this mental traffic. It’s like a loud, booming city filled with strangers, lights, and possibilities. A taxi pulls over for me, though I don’t recall trying to catch one. Without question, I open the door and enter in with an unknown destination.
"Where to?" he asked.
"I don’t know…" I mumble quietly in the backseat, embarrassed of my answer.
He smiled. It was a rather toothy smile with a few imperfections, but a smile it was.
"I know just the place." he said, pulling away from the curb and melting into the colorful array of cars and lights. The sky is a dark contrast to the bright city and I can’t help but look outside of the window. I had this strange feeling that I’d trust him with my next destination, though I had no idea what place he’d take me to next. Soon all the colors fade away and we’re driving in a dark street lit by a few yellow streetlights. He pulls over.
"Where am I?" I asked him. Without turning around, he replied "Home."
No more questions asked, I got out of the cab and stood alone on the sidewalk. Without another word, he drove away. I watched until the last of his yellow cab faded away into the darkness. There I was, alone in the middle of a quieter place. I took one more look around and found a rather familiar door placed on a plain building, much like those around it. The door, however, felt very nostalgic. So I go to it and attempt to open the door. A telltale click tells me it’s unlocked, so I pull the door back and step inside. Inside it’s pitch black.
I was completely alone in a foreign place. This was home.
You’re not in love with me. After 3 months, you can’t be. You can’t be in love with the girl that hurt you and left you in the friendzone. You can’t be in love with someone like me. I’m not for you, you deserve so much more. I never thought things would end up this way.
Of all the things that I could be doing, I’m sitting here hopeless and helpless. I can’t help you. I can’t even visit you. I wish I could fucking drive. I would’ve driven all over the city, pulled an all-nighter, did anything I could just to see you. But I can’t. I’m here. I’m here when I could be there. I feel like an idiot. There’s so many things I want to do right now but I’m stuck here in my room like an idiot because I can’t drive. I don’t know where you are. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to lose you…
instead of leaving me here, desperate to hear some news. I’m sitting here doing nothing, knowing that my grandpa is in the hospital and may have cancer. Where are you when I need you? If visiting hours close and you don’t reply, I swear I will hate you for life. This is not some kind of situation where you can just ignore me the way you usually do. I need to see my grandpa and if you’re someone holding me back, then I swear I’ll never speak to you again. If I lose grandpa, you lose me.
That was a perfect moment. You falling asleep and me right next to you, watching you. The only thing I can remember that ran through my mind at the moment was me thinking “Damn… I really wouldn’t mind falling asleep to this and then waking up to this.” And in that moment, everything was perfect. It was that exact moment that I started to actually like you. In that moment, everything changed.
You’re great for the chase, but let’s face it; for a relationship, we’d be a trainwreck. I’d much rather be good ass friends with you and keep this upbeat tone with you all the time than ruin it with feelings and relationships. Besides, I think I like someone else. You’re just a fun person to play around with… But I’m kinda waiting on someone.
I know that when it comes to being flirty, I can count on you to be a friendly-counter flirter. But then I know that saying these things with you is creating feelings that should not exist. Bad feelings, go away. Let me have a good, chill friendship.
I’m disappointed in you, in this situation, but I guess I’m more disappointed in myself. What the fuck have I done? Just when I thought things were finally going to change for me, it turns out that you’re just going to be another replay. I can’t tell if I hate this or if I like it.
Re-analyzing the situation, I end up hating myself because I realize that it’s all my fault. All mine and no one else’s.
Things never do change, do they? With me, it’s always going to be the same repetitive cycle over and over and over again. I can’t simply like anyone and just be happy. Nope nope, something just has to come between this short happiness and confuse the shit out of me. I can’t say I wish this never happened, nor can I say that I’m happy with what I’m doing right now. I can’t help but wonder: What’s going to happen next? Is everything really going to be this complicated forever? I just want this to be normal. I want to have normal feelings, normal commitment, normal relationships. Nope, I have to go and make things complicated. Haaaaa, I’m so predictable, aren’t I?
Lol I’m still waiting for the day you fuck up and realize that I’m not going to always be here to listen to your bullshit. I get it, you’re happy and you’re living the good life, no need to rub it in my face. I know I sound like such an asshole right now but it’s more than just because I’m angry. I’m mad. I’m sour. I’m super pissed. I am so fucking mad that I didn’t see this coming sooner. I knew it was too good to be true… I just didn’t want to believe it. Well have a nice life, now quit trying to destroy mine.
They told me not to get my hopes up, so I didn’t. They said to be careful, so I’m trying. There’s so many rules I have to go by just to give something a chance nowadays. Taking risks involves willing to get hurt to get something you want. Sure I might get hurt, but life moves on and so will I.
Why do I have this feeling that I will always end up coming back to you? That even after everything you put me through, I’ll still have hope that you’d come back to return the feelings. I wish I could say that I’m done with your games and your charm, but I can’t. I guess I’m just not over you.
Last night was really fun! Danced with my friends, had a great time (even though most of them just sat down). For the last two slow dances, I pulled Paolo up and then we got interrupted by Katie and everybody else who was booty bumping us haha! Then I danced with Brooks for like, what? Ten seconds? And then the lights went off and Paolo finished his dance with me! Last night was fun, overall. I ended up looking hella busted once I got home. Ugh, I wish the night lasted longer…
Here’s a tip for the do-it-yourself crowd: Go to your computer’s Start menu, and either go to “run” or just search for “cmd.” Open it up, and type in “ping [website address],”
Once you have the IP for a website, all you really need to do is enter it like you would a normal URL nd hit enter/press go. Typing in “18.104.22.168” should bring you to the front page of AO3, for example, just as typing “22.214.171.124/dashboard” should bring you straight to your Tumblr dashboard. Since we’re obviously bracing for the worst case scenario which would involve you not being able to access the internet regularly, you should, save this list.
Dear Tumblr-ers, -ites, ettes, and whatever other things you may prefer,
Please reblog the crap out of this. Add to it if you feel there is stuff necessary but missing.